Style Exercise 3: The Danger of Rewrites

Conducted: Tuesday, 6 September 2005

Summary: In this exercise, you will consider a few of Williams' rewrites from the second edition of Style: The Basics of Clarity and Grace.

Purpose: To help you think about some of the hidden dangers of rewriting.

Citation: These examples were taken from chapter 4 of

Williams, Joseph M. (2006). Style: The Basics of Clarity and Grace, Second Edition. New York, Longman.

Background:

As you may have noted, the sentences Williams rewrites are often not his own. One danger of rewriting someone else's sentences is that you may change the meeting. Williams notes this problem when he asks (p. 41), But have I made this passage say something that the writer didn't mean? Let's think more carefully about a few of his rewrites.

Instructions:

1. For each of the following pairs of sentences, read both the original and the rewritten sentence.

2. Determine what potential differences in meaning, if any appear between the two sentences.

3. Compare your answers to those of a neighbor.

4. Suggest an alternate rewrite.

5. Be prepared to discuss your answers in class.

1a. Governmental intervention in fast changing technologies has led to the distortion of market evolution and interference in new product development.

1b. When a government intervenes in fast changing technologies, it distorts how markets evolve or interferes with their ability to develop new products.

2a. The argument is this. The cognitive component of intention exhibits a high degree of complexity. Intention is temporarily divisible into two: prospective intention and immediate intention. The cognitive function of prospective intention is the representation of the subject's similar past actions, his current situation, and his course of of future actions. That is, the cognitive component of prospective intention is a plan. The cognitive function of immediate intention is the monitoring and guidance of ongoing bodily movement.

2b. I argue this about intention. It has a complex cognitive component of two temporal kinds: prospective intention and immediate intention. We use prospective intention to represent how we have acted in the past and present and how we will act in the future. That is, we use the cognitive component of prospective intention to help us plan. We use use immediate intention to monitor and guide our bodies as we move them.

3a. The Federalists' argument in regard to the destabilization of government by popular democracy was based on their belief in the tendency of factions to further their self-interest at the expense of the common good.

3b. The Federalists argued that popular democracy destabilized government, because they believed that factions tended to further their self interest at the expense of the common good.