Summary: In response to the efforts of fundamentalist Christians to force science teachers in Kansas to give equal time to their creation myth and to evolutionary biology, the author communicates the revealed truth, which he has received from a divine Flying Spaghetti Monster, and petitions the Kansas School Board to integrate the FSM into the curriculum as well:

For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75 percent of the carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.

I'm sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full Pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don't. ...

I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; one-third time for Intelligent Design, one-third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one-third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.

This handy volume also collects a number of short commentaries and theological works on Flying Spaghetti Monsterism.